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before i hated things

by contron

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1.
dear john green we fetishize blonde teens it’s a metaphor, for better or for worse dear john green we fetishize blonde teens yr not a villain, yes, we know that children curse dear john green i seen you cry on screen oh i wish i knew what you were sad about dear john green i seen you cry on screen oh i really wish that i could help you out (excerpt from the one “dear john” letter i regret the most /:)
2.
dear john green i didn’t mean that dear ex girlfriend i didn’t mean that dear girlfriend i luv u & i mean it dear world please stop spinnin’ so fast it makes me nauseous i wish i was obnoxious i wanna shout again i wanna know what it was like before i hated things
3.
home is where the heart is so home is in yr chest broken homes means broken ribs i’m hopin’ it’s a mess mobile phones & mobile homes i think that they’re the best
4.
open doors & broken floors you fell right through the earth & landed somewhere near australia it’s no good to be so good at this you should’ve missed yr mark & since you’ve never seen the light you’ll never know it’s dark relax, get scared you can’t see it but you know that it’s there i just want a place to close my eyes in nowhere to be nothing to see on the horizon
5.
perdido key 01:19
you took me out to perdido key & i got lost inside of you don’t worry darlin’ you know i’ll always come right back to you when i get sick i’ll make you sick we’ll go down together forever you took me down to perdido key & i got lost inside of you
6.
get over it cuz it’s over you yr self-help books are overdue yr mirror doesn’t recognize a sober you the joke’s not funny wastin’ coke on money spending time with people who you thought would stick around wasting time on people who you thought would stick around
7.
friday night yr drunk & bored i say “right” you left, yr bored & yr so sad because you know that this is all that life is ever gonna be for us saturday nights all sound the same you were lookin’ for a light then you found a flame & yr so sad because you know that this is all that life is ever gonna be for us sunday night yr bored again monday might be better than this that’s what keeps you goin’ that’s what keeps you goin’ yr so sad because you know that this is all that life is ever gonna be for us
8.
my eyes they’re plain & brown crocodile tears rainin’ down but you don’t have to pretend to be sad i’ll rise from the ashes of the urn that i burned in i’m too young for love but i think i know about yearnin’ but you don’t have to pretend that you love me you don’t have to pretend about anything
9.
i’m so sick of cynicism i’m so sick of criticismm i forget how beautiful that life can be sometimes (broken things can be replaced hope & sing, don’t feel disgrace)
10.
someday yr gonna get hurt i’m gonna laugh bet the whole world, bet the whole world will laugh someday yr gonna burn in the same hell as me bet you’d have the nerve to say that i deserve it more bet you’d have the nerve to tell me i deserve it more & yr probably right, no, i know that yr right i’m so sorry for everything

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released June 24, 2014

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contron Pensacola, Florida

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